“Jay Gardiner has given himself a fool’s errand—to find the remains of his deceased father in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Monastery Beach. He knows it’s a long shot, but Jay feels it’s the only way for him to lift the weight of guilt he has carried since his dad’s death by suicide the previous year.
The dive begins well enough, but the sudden appearance of a giant squid puts Jay in very real jeopardy, made infinitely worse by the arrival of a sperm whale looking to feed. Suddenly, Jay is caught in the squid’s tentacles and drawn into the whale’s mouth where he is pulled into the first of its four stomachs. He quickly realizes he has only one hour before his oxygen tanks run out—one hour to defeat his demons and escape the belly of a whale.” — Publisher’s summary.
This book has made a deep impression on me because, despite the fantastical premise, it is a deeply relatable tale of heartache and healing from past traumas. Jay is haunted by nightmarish memories of his childhood where his dad was this unfeeling monster and raging beast; he is haunted by his guilt that he refused to return home as his dad fought and lost against cancer, the whole time asking for his son; he is haunted by the fact his remaining family don’t have the closure they deserve since his dad’s remains are lost at sea. Jay is haunted by all the emotions he has refused to let himself. He is imprisoned by his emotions the same as he is imprisoned in the belly of the whale that swallows him. In that sense, we can relate to his plight. We all know how emotions can feel so colossal and yet be so suffocating, how tightly they can squeeze us until we feel like we have no air left.
There is also a heavy focus on memory. Jay goes out in search for his father more for his mother and sisters and even his pride more than for any personal closure. For a majority of the book, he remembers only bad memories of his father, Mitt. How he would cruelly berate Jay for crying, how he would drill pointless information into his head, how he would constantly belittle him and make him feel like his entire existence was a mistake that Mitt wishes he could undo. But, the longer Jay spends trapped in the whale’s stomach, the more he starts to remember the good memories. He lets go of his pointless anger at Mitt and suddenly, he remembers his dad’s smile, his laugh, and the moments he allowed himself to be gentle. This made me think about how closely our emotions and our memories are linked. If we hold a grudge against a particular person for a long amount of time, any memories we have of that person will be tainted by those negative feelings or else entirely forgotten because the good memories undermine the feeling we want to wallow in. When we allow ourselves a objective point of view, we expand the possibilities of interpretation. Most of the time, that’s the best thing to do, especially when you are feeling uncertain or guilty. Take a step back and get out of your own head with its hurricanes of thoughts and emotions and fears and doubts. View the whole picture instead of the few pieces you decided to push to the side and scrutinize until your eyes blur. There is always more to a person or situation than our memories hold.
The only warning I would give for this book would be to people who are squeamish and easily nauseated because parts of this story are gross. But if you can get through the sludge, you’ll find the pearl hidden inside.
For All Story Lovers! 