I loved this movie the first time I saw it, and I have been thinking about it a lot lately as I go deeper into this era of my life of solitary self-reflection and healing. I think this movie is a beautiful and fascinating look at a toxic relationship built from a man’s insecurities and doubts.
Calvin is a young novelist who seemingly peaked early in his career as we meet him struggling with writer’s block and doubt that he’ll ever make anything good again – or find anyone good for him. That is, until he has a burst of inspiration that happens to solve both problems. He dreams of a woman, who he calls Ruby, and begins to write about her. The next day, she is a real, alive woman living with him and believing them to be a couple. A miracle, right? His perfect woman, made real solely for him. But is she only perfect when he controls her every move and thought in his writing? And does perfect ever truly satisfy?
Calvin, plainly put, is not a secure man. He very easily becomes jealous of others’ attentions toward Ruby and her own accomplishments when he stops writing about her and lets her be who she is. He wanted a beautiful woman but can’t stand when others find her beautiful. He wanted an intellectual but feels less than when she succeeds. He wanted a woman who needed only him but then she was too clingy. His “perfect” woman materialized in front of him, yet he still felt unworthy in almost every way. And as he continues editing her – adding this line, striking this one – she’s being tossed around on this emotional rollercoaster controlled by his whims. And she doesn’t know how to get off.
If that sounds familiar, then you have been – or know someone who has been – in an emotionally manipulative relationship. A relationship where one partner has an image in their head of the perfect person and tries to mold you until you fit, but you will never truly fit. That image could change in an instant as their mood changes or depending on what doubt or insecurity is shouting loudest at any given moment. Failing to become who they want you to be will not only lead to them resenting you (and possibly becoming violent) but also ultimately damages the core of who you truly are, making you even more vulnerable to forces telling you who to be. That’s why so many women nowadays seem to be in a state of isolated healing, as I mentioned at the start. We need time away from all these grabbing hands wanting to make us something we aren’t. We need time to remember who we truly are.
The breaking point of Ruby and Calvin is hard to watch, not because it gets physically violent but because you can see the intensity of the manipulation turning them both into something they aren’t. The way Calvin treats Ruby, not just in that scene but throughout the movie, is hard to forgive, but one redeeming thing about him is that he realizes just how far he’s gone, what he’s turned into, and lets her go because it isn’t what he wants for either of them.
Does this mean he’s worthy of the second chance that is implied in the final scene where they meet again? I think this can be debated both ways. On one side, the fact that he remembers everything whereas she has no memory of him and thinks the book he wrote about the whole thing is simply fiction is a major issue. This is probably an even shakier foundation for a relationship than their original one of her simply appearing out of thin air. On the other hand, like I mentioned, he did let her go when he realized how out of control he had become. Did writing the story help him process those insecurities and doubts that led to such despicable behavior from him? Or did he only succeed in monetizing them and will eventually begin the cycle again?
I think the story ends with the kind of message of “If you love something let it go. If it’s meant for you, it will find you again,” because everyone loves a happy ending in a romance. If we think about it though, the moral thing to do would be to leave her to the life she built for herself, away from him. But, when we get down to it, it is a movie which allows us a bit of magical optimism. Besides, who wouldn’t give Paul Dano a second chance?
For All Story Lovers! 